1. The Power Play
The Bruins’ power play percentage is at 16.4%, 22nd in the entire league. Not only does that percentage infuriate me but watching Boston struggle through a power play makes me feel nothing but frustration, rage, and out-right dissatisfaction. Sometimes I have to remind myself that the power play is supposed to be an advantage and not some cruel punishment sent down from the “Hockey Gods.” Put the puck in the net, please.
On a sidenote, thank you Chara for giving me hope last night. That Power Play goal was dyn-o-mite! (For maximum effect, please annuciate like Jimmie “JJ” Walker from Good Times.)
2. The Third Period
After games against Pittsburgh, Montreal and Washington, I am almost convinced that there is some kind of ancient hockey curse that has been bestowed upon us. After two “Hockey God” references, it is more than appropriate to picture Bobby Orr in a golden sarong, with mass amounts of gray and white facial hair and a 70’s pony-tail.
Please explain to me how we can have a two-goal or even three-goal lead in the first period to throw it all away in the third period? Don’t answer, that that was a rhetorical question. It’s simply embarrassing and I’m sick of going to bed angry (as I’m sure my boyfriend is, too). Similar to a virgin in a nightclub, we can’t close. We can’t seal the deal. Condensed schedule and fatigue aside, the amount of adrenaline that is pumping through the players’ veins should keep them awake enough to play an entire game of hockey. Now this last piece seems elementary, but this is a 60 minute game, not 20 and not 40. Stamina boys, stamina.
3. Tyler Seguin
It should be said that Seguin has tallied up 12 points in the last 13 games, but he was certainly off to a slow start this season. There was much talk about Seguin having a hard time adjusting back to the NHL style of play after spending the lockout playing in Europe, but I think that’s just a cop out. He’s young, talented, and quick, I’d really like to see more out of him. In many ways, he is growing as a player and Coach Julien will tell you this 100 times, goal scorers don’t always score goals. That’s just the reality. Don’t get me wrong, it is certainly great to see him creating plays and seeing the open space on the ice, but it was definitely a struggle not see him on the scoreboard early on this season.
4. Anxiety Attacks
I think I need to start seeing a therapist and you better believe that if my insurance won’t cover my medical bills I’m determined to send them to the Boston Bruins Organization. Nothing gets my blood coursing quite as effective as a Bruins game. To say I haven’t punched my couch a half a dozen times a period is an embarrassment and an understatement. As confident as I am in the team, as a fan you know that the game can change in seconds. The Bruins clearly proved that last night against the Pens. A lot of these games are coming right down to wire, even when we have a three goal lead. Writing this section is giving me heart palpitations. The bottom line is I’d really like to refrain from taking multiple laps around my living room ottoman and white knuckling the couch cushion.
5. The Referees
How infuriating is it when the refs call penalties based on their interpretation? I know every hit, slash, and trip isn’t text book so they need to interpret the definition of the penalty as best as they can. But come on zebras, some of these calls are just down-right unbelievable. The refs have a really tough job, they can call 100 fair calls but the second they call a questionable one, I as well as every fan out there flips their lid. Tough job but someone’s got to do it.
6. Anti-Jack Edwards Fans
It almost seems un-American to not enjoy the ridiculousness that is Jack Edwards. That man lives and breathes hockey, the Boston Bruins, cliché one-liners and flashy ties. I know he is a bit quirky but the catch phrases he comes up with are like nothing I have ever heard before. Not to mention they almost always roll right off his tongue, he never gets hung up on the multi syllable silliness. If I had half the imagination and passion of Jack Edwards I’m almost certain I’d be a celebrity or at the very least a YouTube sensation. Like this one from last night, “Thornton put some Chinese Mustard on that pass”. Who comes up with these things, let alone says them out loud. Come to think of it, Chinese sounds really good right about now.
7. Attending a Home Game
Do you know how hard it is to get to a game these days? I’m beginning to think hockey is a game for the wealthy. New NHL tag line, Hockey a game of luxury, who would have thought? I am recently over the fact that there is a multi-year waiting list to become a season ticket holder, but I can’t wrap my head around the fact that regular season tickets, in the balcony mind you, are costing the average man $100 to $150 a pop. The Boston Bruins used to represent blue collar hockey, I don’t think that is a fair way to describe it anymore.
8. Proving to Hockey Fans That You Are a “Real” Fan
Other hockey fans don’t want to hear that you are a Bruins fan. They automatically assume your some bandwagon fan from 2011. Even if they themselves are bandwagon fans from 2011. Everyone automatically assumes that all the Bruins gear you are rocking was bought at Sports Authority at full price in the last year and a half. Sometimes there is way too much pride and ego in this city.
9. Male Bruin Fans
Being a girl is hard work! Not only do we have to comb our hair, paint our face and wear tight jeans every day, those of us that are hockey fans now have to prove to the opposite sex that we aren’t some nitwit when it comes to hockey. I personally look at this as an opportunity to have little fun. Trust me, it is way more fun to air-comp on my fake piece of Double Bubble, twirl my hair, bat my lashes and explain that I’m here for Tyler Seguin and that “Oh-My-God this one time he like totally poked me on Facebook.” Believable huh? Besides nothing is more satisfying then seeing my byline on InsideHockey.com every week and knowing that jerk male fan can only talk hockey to the masses in a dive bar bathroom with the local drunks.
Sometimes I can’t even bear to click on the App on my iPhone anymore. There is something about Facebook that really brings the “I’m the Biggest Bruins Fan” out of everyone. Fellas we get it, Naoko Funayama needs to be put on waivers, McQuaid is your “Boy,” and it is most definitely “Tuuuukkkka Time.” I couldn’t agree more with all the very obvious comments you guys post, but you really don’t need to vent about every little thing to the entire Facebook community. Ladies, the team colors are Black and Gold, not Black and Yellow. This might come as a shocker to you, but Wiz Khalifa wrote that song about the Pittsburgh Steelers and not the Boston Bruins. Give my timeline a break, would you?