Dear Mr. Jagr,
We can’t even believe in a million years that we are writing you this letter. Let’s be honest, you are a hockey legend, a god, an inspiration, the very definition of hockey. This is so embarrassing, we haven’t even made it half way through this letter and we are already geeking out. But come on, this is so hard because you are just that good!
Welcome to Boston, dude, it really is such an honor to have you with us this year. You have won two consecutive Stanley Cups with the Pittsburgh Penguins, and not everyone can say that. Don’t even get us started on your individual accomplishments, the Art Ross Trophy five times, the Lester B. Pearson Trophy three times and the Hart Trophy. Talk about the résumé! If the trophies don’t do you enough justice, you’ve played on some of the best teams in the NHL, the Pittsburgh Penguins, Washington Capitals, New York Rangers, Philadelphia Flyers, and Dallas Stars.
We have looked up to you for 13 years, you were the, emphasis on “the,” hockey icon of the 90’s and you, hands down, had the most amazing hockey flow that the NHL has ever seen. We hope people complimented you regularly. Talk about a chick magnet. We’re really not trying to pump your tires, Jaromir, you are quite phenomenal in every way. We can’t believe we just called you by your first name. Is it cool if we call you Jaromir?
By the way, any chance that mullet will make a come back this year? Don’t take offense to that question; you truly rocked it like no other. Move over, Hulk Hogan. Are we right?
We always thought black and gold looked best on you. Standing at six feet, three inches and coming in at a whopping 240 pounds, you resemble that of a bear, not a penguin, but we’re sure you already knew that. Milan and David are so excited to have you on board. Well, the whole team is, but especially those two. Like us, you were their idol; you inspired them to be the players they are today and to think you are going to be playing with them on the ice. Man, what a dream come true!
We heard the Boston bars are going to rename Jäger Bombs, “Jagr” Bombs in your honor. We’re suddenly craving Jäger, how about we grab a drink later? It goes without saying that drinks are only named after myths and legends, Mr. Jagr and you are certainly not a myth.
Tonight is going to be so amazing. Your first shift is going to light up the entire rink. You are the spark we need to get us to the Stanley Cup Championship. You’re a winner, Jaromir, and everyone knows that.
So again, welcome to Boston, the city of Champions! We are ecstatic to have you. Any chance we can score an autographed jersey?
Forever your biggest fan,
The City of Boston